Six Signs You Need Marriage Counseling
Knowing when to get marriage counseling is tough. A lot of people grow up surrounded by unhappy marriages, or have never seen even a single example of a long-term functional relationship. When people think of tension, yelling, and ignoring problems as normal, they might not realize that life doesn’t have to be this way.
Unfortunately, most people wait at least six years in an unhappy marriage before they seek help. The longer you wait, the harder it is to change things. If you’re wondering if it’s time to get couples counseling, read on for six clear signs.
1. You feel like you’re walking on eggshells
Feeling like you have to be very careful to avoid doing something wrong, especially in your own home, is exhausting. Your home should be a safe, relaxing space.
2. You feel like you’ve tried everything, but nothing changes
Maybe you’ve read a ton of books and blogs and Instagram posts about how to improve your relationship. You’ve tried changing the way you bring up topics, or how you communicate your feelings, or how you behave around the house. But at the end of the day, you and your partner are still having the same issues that leave you both feeling frustrated and disconnected. You might be starting to think change is impossible.
3. You pride yourself on “never fighting”
Fighting doesn’t necessarily mean raised voices and insults. Fighting can also mean disagreeing about something, expressing vulnerable feelings like hurt and anger, and then coming to a place of understanding and mutual support. If you “never fight” then both of you might just be avoiding tense conversations, which is actually worse for a relationship than no fighting at all.
4. You fantasize about being separated or divorced
If you’re thinking about a life separate from your partner, then you’re giving less thought and energy to actually solving the relationship problems. The more you consider divorce or separation, and the more you actually plan it out, the more that will seem like the only viable option in your mind.
5. You are starting to think your partner is a stupid or bad person
If you’re beginning to wonder if your partner is somehow defective, then your brain will start searching for evidence to back up that idea. Then, their flaws will become more and more obvious (while their good qualities fade into the background), and you might start thinking they are incapable of changing something that is such an “obvious” part of their personality. Your partner will pick up on your negative view of them, making it harder for them to trust you with their vulnerable side, creating a vicious cycle.
6. Your partner has asked to go to marriage counseling
If your partner is thinking that couples counseling is the best option, then it’s time to go. I know there are many reasons why you might not want to go, so one way that you can honor both your and their feelings is to research therapists and make your selection, together. You can also bring up any concerns you have about couples counseling with the counselor right away. If you feel like your concerns are not addressed adequately throughout the course of therapy, keep bringing them up.
Any one of these signs is reason enough to go to marriage counseling. And there are many, many more signs that I didn’t choose to write about here. If you are considering marriage counseling, know that timing is everything. The sooner you address your relationship problems, the easier they will be to resolve.
If any of these signs ring a bell for you, then I can help. Click here to schedule a 15-minute phone consultation with me to learn more.
I provide couples counseling in Wakefield, Rhode Island, and online everywhere in Rhode Island and Connecticut. I’d love to give you the tools to have a healthy and fulfilling relationship.
